Composition lesson 1, another example

[ttw]

I will be gone until about March so here's another entry.
Original: unified by rhythm and melody. Lower neighbor figure dominates; each phrase hase the same rhythm except for the eighth-note displacement of the lower neighbor figure. The staccato low Gs are just to set up the pulse. In a real composition, I would probably use another voice and these Gs would be rests.

Second: eighth-quarter-eighth used some places in place of three-eights. Still doesn't add enough variety to rhythm. However it does give a new melodic figure.

Third: melodic change by extension of the third and fourth phrases. Also an inversion of the neighbor figure. The extension increases variety; the inversion seems neutral, either way sounds the same.

Fourth: still not much variety. The main phrase is used to announce section beginning. Even more melodic change by extension. As the piece is suitable for a double-reed slide music stand, I added a cadenza (credenza? keeping with the funiture motive).

[stevel]

The staccato low Gs are just to set up the pulse. In a real composition, I would probably use another voice and these Gs would be rests.

A note here Tony. Initially, my ear was confused about the beat. This is due to two things: Agogic, and Pitch accents.

When you jump up to a pitch, it accents that pitch.
When you lengthen (agogic) a pitch, it accents that pitch.
Also, since we're so used to hearing So-Do at the beginning of pieces, we tend to think upwrad fourths like this are So-Do.

So essentially, what you're doing is giving us three things that tell us the C should be the downbeat, and the G is a pickup note!

Now, that can be used to your advantage, but I want to point this out for the benefit of many readers that find themselves in this situation of "this doesn't sound right" and many times (in this kind of setting) this is the exact problem - emphasis placed on a note that's not on beat one by various other means.

Second: eighth-quarter-eighth used some places in place of three-eights. Still doesn't add enough variety to rhythm. However it does give a new melodic figure.

This one is more, shall we say "normal", especially as compared to the other. But I should note that all of them have a sort of "exotic" quality (middle eastern or "foreign" sound) so with that in mind, the first one could work in that kind of setting. But overall, I think this one "flows" much better. It's nice how mm. 16-17 break up the syncopation by having straight 8ths, and then the syncopation in the "wrong" place. I think your "problem measure" is 22 or 23 though - by then, 22-23 are too much of the same syncopation. You could make 23 straight 8ths, and that would help I think. I think you could make 23 like the staccato 8th note measures and that would also help.

Third: melodic change by extension of the third and fourth phrases. Also an inversion of the neighbor figure. The extension increases variety; the inversion seems neutral, either way sounds the same.

My favorite. I think the quarter notes, instead of the staccato version, really go a long way to add new life, without adding new note values - way to work within the restrictions Tony :-).

Fourth: still not much variety. The main phrase is used to announce section beginning. Even more melodic change by extension. As the piece is suitable for a double-reed slide music stand, I added a cadenza (credenza? keeping with the funiture motive).

This one seems a little directionless. I like the way the extension in mm. 45-48 works (basically, it makes your first 4 phrases like a little Rounded Binary form). I tend to call this "truncation" as you truncate a longer phrase (though really you're just cutting off the last quarter note in this case) and repeat it.

I assume you mean the cadenza is the running 8th notes. My least favorite part, and, obviously, since you've got the same value, not much variety at all (which may contribute to your own opinion of the variety here). I might replace 57 or 58 with a E-Q-E syncopation. There's an old composition rule: don't do anything more than three times. While it's obviously not appropriate for every single situation (tell it to Reich or Glass, or Nelly for that matter) it does tend to hold true. 4 measures of running 8ths - too much :-) Especially in this kind of setting where there's no other points of interest (harmony, etc.). I wonder what would happen if you moved the credenza to the other side of the room? (put the cadenza in the last phrase, rather than where it is???).

Best,
Steve