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#1
16-08-2006, 06:06 PM
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| Things That makes blokes proud of themselves! OPENING JARS - She's struggling. You take it from her hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't. Jars are men's work. CALLING SOMEONE 'SON' - Especially policeman but even saying it to kids makes you the man. SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is it? Hand it here love. No, I don't need a sharpener, I've got a knife thanks! GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which combines driving, lifting and - as you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of other rubbish - noisy destruction. HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint with. HAVING A SCAR - Ideally it'll be a facial knife wound, but even an iron burn on the wrist is good. "Ooh, did it hurt". "Nah". NODDING AT COPPERS - A moment's eye contact is all it takes for you to share the unspoken bond. "We've not seen eye to eye in the past",it says, "but someone's got to keep the little scrotes in line". USING POWER TOOLS - Slightly more powerful than you need or can safely handle. Pneumatic drilling while smoking a fag? Superb. NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - Fat is a feminist issue, apparently. Brilliant. Pass the pork scratchings. CARVING THE ROAST - And saying "are you a leg or breast man?" to the blokes and "do you want stuffing?" to the women. Congratulations, you are now your dad. WINKING - Turns women to putty. Doesn't it? TEST SWINGING HAMMERS - Ideally, B&Q would have little changing rooms with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY item. Until then, we'll make do with the aisles. TAKING OUT 200 FROM A CASHPOINT - Okay, so its for paying the plumber later but with that much cash you feel like a mafia don. The only thing better is peeling notes off the roll later. PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE - Unlike women, we get straight to the point. "Alright? Yep. Drink? Red lion? George, it is then. Seven. See ya." PARALLEL PARKING - Bosh, straight in. First time. Can Schumacher do that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which, technically, makes you the worlds best driver. KNOWING WHICH SCREWDRIVER IS WHICH - "A Phillips? For that? Are you mad, bint?"  |
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#2
17-08-2006, 05:41 PM
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| Hehe these are silly! I hope not all guys think that way, but male pride does tend to be an issue i find!  |
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#3
17-08-2006, 07:46 PM
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#4
21-08-2006, 02:21 AM
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| Yeah that one's good, very 'manly'!  |
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#5
21-08-2006, 04:45 PM
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| You know what they call a guy with half a brain? No? Gifted. |
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#6
22-08-2006, 02:04 AM
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| Huh? I dont get your joke reith. Anyway, what do you call a guy with arms or legs in the middle a lake. Bob! What do you call a woman with no legs. Peggy! What do you call a guy with no arms or legs that is on your front porch Matt! I know these are aweful, but I couldn't resist. |
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#7
22-08-2006, 01:35 PM
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| Hey us guys aint always so predictable you know!! Now.. let me get back to reading this car magazine.. |
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#8
22-08-2006, 01:36 PM
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| Car magazine?  Regards |
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#9
22-08-2006, 02:20 PM
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| It's an object of manliness. |
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#10
22-08-2006, 03:29 PM
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Okay - well you asked for this. Mind, it'll almost certainly get deleted so hope you catch it in time. What do you call a guy with no arms or legs who swims the Atlantic ocean? No? A clever dick. |
