Variations on a theme by Joachim Raff

[michael renardy]

The theme is from the final movement of Raff's second sonata for violin and piano.

[stevel]

Originally Posted by michael renardy

The theme is from the final movement of Raff's second sonata for violin and piano.

Hi Mike,

I don't know if you're asking for comments, but I'm going to make some comments/observations/suggestions/critiques:

Firstly - and I say this to a lot of people - you've set us (the listener) up for an expectation of T&V with the title, and by starting off in sort of a "classical" mode, we expect the music to sort of follow those rules. It doesn't. It's a bit odd.

Now, you may intentionally be being odd, or that may be exactly what you want to do with this piece, or it may be your style, but, in case you're looking to model your music more closely after an existing style, I'm making these comments.

1. I got tired of listening by about the 4th page (though I gave it to about page 8 when I scrolled ahead and realized there were 6 more pages of basically the "same" material). The change to minor didn't come early enough to maintain my interest - in fact, nothing much came to maintain my interest. There's a lot of consistency - maybe too much. There's a lot of quarter note and 8th note motion. The dotted quarter-eighth pairs help break it up (in spots like, and similar to m. 35 and m. 39) and when you get to the half note stuff in m. 111, that helps. The 16ths in places like m. 20 and 54 also help. But for the main part, it's basically quarter note and 8th note composite rhythm (just in case you don't know, that means the overall rhythm created by both parts). I wish you had something else happening - some 16th note motion, maybe some triplets, maybe some more dotted stuff or longer note values, etc.

2. Your handling of inversions is quite unusual. I'm having a discussion with another person about this, and without going into too much detail, basically, you set us up for a very "standard" piece, and you do some very "non-standard" things. To a listener, these sound amateurish, or just plain uninformed. For example, most listeners would expect an A chord in m. 4. You've done too very traditional things - present an A in the Soprano, and an A in the bass. Furthermore, you follow a V7 chord. You may be attempting some kind of deceptive cadence here but it does not work in a traditional sense. You've given us a "first inversion vi" chord which sounds like a mistake. Try making the D in the inner voice move down to C# and compare the two, and then try making the D go to C# and the E in the Bass go to F# and I think you'll see what I mean.

M. 9 starts these weird inversions at an alarming rate. I'm not sure what you're trying to do here, but again, to listeners accustomed to this style of music, it's going to sound wrong and "bad". These continue throughout the piece, so I won't dwell on it.

3. I hope you realize that chords like the LH in m. 12 and m. 97 (beat 3) are unplayable by mere mortals. The rule for piano is an octave. Yes, in some concert level works of extreme complexity, there are reaches of 10ths and even 12ths, but, this is a relatively simple piece and you're making it unplayable for the novices who might actually want to give it a try by asking for 10ths. I don't see anything technical that would prohibit moving the note to the other hand - for example in m. 12 the RH would be B/E, and the LH G#/E (low note/high note).

4. I'm not sure why you changed to the key of E major when you did. The only difference between E major and A major note-wise is the D#. You do not have a D# until 6 bars in! (m. 66) ANd even then it doesn't sound like the key of A - you've still got an A tonal center. Are you trying for A Lydian? If so, it didn't come off very well. If you're trying for E major, it also did not come off very well. If someone didn't see the score, they'd simply assume we're still in three sharps (assuming they knew that to begin with) during this "E Major" section.

5. Usually, and traditionally, if you begin in A, you end in A. You end in Bb. It's not "wrong" per se, but a little unusual. In fact, WHY? Is there some reason it ends in Bb? I think if you don't have a very good reason to do so, then it probably should end in A as it began.

Now Mike, I don't want you to think I'm just poo-pooing your work. Compositionally, there are some nice moments in here. The section from m.31 to the next variation is quite lovely. I really like the LH bits in m. 32 and the dotted note (which is rhythmically like the melody begins) in LH m. 34. I also like the contrast of the "simpler" motion in the B section of this variation.

So there are some very nice moments throughout. Unfortunately, I'm constantly distracted from these beautiful moments by unusual sounds. That may be what you want, and if so, you've achieved it. But, if you want something that supports your ideas, rather than detracts from them, I think there are some issues that need to cleared up.

I hope you take this constructively. As you know, your art is your art and you are free to do with it what you like, and you may ignore my comments of course. I only make them because many people do ask, and I feel like my comments are often helpful to people (at least, that's my inference based on my experiences). But I've found if I make comments, and the composer also feels that those spots are "weak", then that's enough concern to readdress those spots.

It sounds to me like you've got a great ear, a great feel for making the music "breathe", but I feel like you could improve your technical skills, or, at least make technical choices that are more appropriate for your listeners' expectations if that's something that's artistically important for you.

Thanks for sharing,

Steve